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Sunday Funnies December 11

Here’s another installment in my Sunday Funnies series, so get the coffee, forget the paper and enjoy.

Those darn Labs…..always want to play fetch,

ball gagged woman with goofy labrador retriever wanting to play with red ball

not now Fido

 

but you gotta put your toys away when the in-laws come to visit, or…….

labrador retriever fetching carrying large flesh colored dildo

come on...please play fetch?

 

and sometimes her goddamn little dog hangs around no matter what,

gif pug dog sitting acting bored while man and woman fuck

deleted scene from Men In Black?...

 

I neglected to get this one up in time for Thanksgiving, so here it is late: Addams Family Thanksgiving – “…your people will wear cardigans and drink highballs…”

 

here’s another item in the “Who’s The Next Ben Franklin?” category,

gif of fleshlight grafted onto whirling fan and rotating on man's cock

what happens to the cumshot?

 

These next quotes are “allegedly” from a book entitled Disorder in the American Courts, although I can’t tell which one – and there are several on Amazon, natch – but these are supposedly gathered by the court reporters in the courtrooms… anyway, here are a few nuggets:

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter
has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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Sunday Funnies – November 27

Time for another round of XXX and otherwise adult Sunday Funnies, so grab the cuppa joe and let’s go…

 

child at bedroom door with parents on bed in bondage gear

Momeee….what’s that noise? Momeee?

 

Next, the John Stamos Guide to Cuddling,

 

Did you think humans were the only voyeurs?

cat watching turtles fucking

…check out the top turtle – he’s trash talking…

 

Speaking of cats, here is a top cat and bottom doxie,

cat humping dachshund and biting its neck

halten noch Hündin, oder ich werde wirklich rau!!

(hold still bitch, or I’ll really get rough!)

 

Here is a great OMG moment,

gif of girl sucking a huge cock and saying omg its so big

OMG – it’s SO BIG!!

And last, for this time, food and soap for the troops on the front? or……..

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Sunday Funnies November 13

Continuing with the series of Sunday Morning Funnies posts from the erstwhile What Is A Man? blog, here are some items to tickle your fancy with your Sunday morning cuppa joe:

The Bondage Cake,

cake decorated with a bondage theme

there really is a cake for every occasion

continuing with the food related theme,

humorous closed sign re chef can't keep dick in pants

but he always washes his hands per the health code

Next, you’ve heard the expression, “pig in a blanket”??? Here’s pig is a pillow…

boy sleeping with his head on a sleeping pig

they’ve probably been friends since childhood

Wife’s diary / Husband’s diary,

funny comparision of what a girlfriend is thinking and what a boyfriend is thinking

And if you thought putting the crying baby on a laundry machine was the way to silence the wailing, you’re just not with the new generation,

and last…

nude woman bridging two cars from one window into another window

professional drivers on a closed course – do not attempt this at home

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