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How to Become a Deepthroat Queen

Amaze your partner! Impress your friends! Be hotter than Madonna at a dinner party! (See related article at the bottom re the Madonna dinner party) Yes, fellow carnality lovers, it’s all waiting for you – almost on the tip of your tongue…

Because, what is the number one impediment to being a deepthroat queen?

It’s that dagnabbed infernal gag reflex that nature gave almost everyone except Linda Lovelace, Belladonna, Kayden Kross and a few hundred other porn stars. If it weren’t for that gagging, which is kinda a buzz kill for both parties except in certain extreme circles, you could be the life of the party!

Well, your intrepid reporter has discovered the answer…and from my dentist, no less. That’s one of those things I never thought about, but where – other than a porn casting call – are you going to have to deal with the gag reflex day in and day out? Yup – the guys and gals who chastise you every six months for flunking the flossing exam.

Dr. Dentist revealed that there is a trick universally known in the dental profession (do they have a class in dental Hogworts on this? I’d love to see a video of that class…) (and apparently secretly passed on to aspiring porn stars and Madonna) that reliably suppresses the gag reflex: you simple grip your left thumb in your left fist, like this,

image of how to grip thumb in left fist to suppress the gag reflex

And you’ll be able to do this,

Honest!

Now inquiring minds may want to know several things, so I asked on behalf of all of us, and these points were revealed to me in return for my promise that I would floss more:

  • – the left hand works better – no one (at least that the dentist knew) knows why
  • – its highly reliable, at least for dental purposes (I spared him the inquiry on my real interest as a carnal reporter but I think he knew – the sly grin was kind of a giveaway)
  • – its not clear whether it works because its a distraction or because there is a actually a neuro-muscular mechanism at play or because we believe that everything the dentist tells us must be true
  • – it works equally well without regard to gender, so both girls and boys can put things way down in there

Lest you think I jest….here is a Reddit thread among apparently real doctors, dentists, and scientists in the AskScience subreddit discussing Why does making a fist with your left hand and squeezing your left thumb disable your gag reflex? (apparently real because they actually barred discussion of the – er – sexual implications of the discussion, which is completely uncharacteristic of Reddit). Those serious professionals link to a 2008 study published in the Journal of the American Dental Association: Altering the Gag Reflex Via a Palm Pressure Point.

We’ll end with an inspirational and aspirational video clip from the amateur deepthroat queen, Heather Harmon, with the bonus of the Olympic difficulty level 10 technique of a cumshot in the throat, (3:21),

Now I don’t see her left hand during the video, so I think she must squeezing her thumb and trying to keep her secret from the camera.

Well – ok – one more: this is a cutie at a concert in the park demoing her skill with a banana (note that she appears to be skillfully gripping the banana skin in her left hand with the secret dentist thumb clasp!) and please do not do this in your real life with a peeled banana, for what should be obvious reasons….

 

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Battle of the Deepthroat Blowjob Queens…and Madonna?

Today we have for your carnal pleasure several amateur, or maybe semi-pro, queens of the deepthroat blowjob. They are  amateur or only semi-pro in the sense that even the more commercial ones show and sell their own sex videos on the internet, or run their own websites, and the sex partner is the husband or steady boyfriend, as opposed to them making commercial porn films for studios (but the lines are getting blurry, eh?),

First up is Heather Brooke, also known as Heather Harmon, showing her skills (1:19),and  as always for all these tube clips be ready to kill the popups and unders,

Sadly for her fans and deepthroat aficionados everywhere, Heather vanished from the internet in 2005, despite having a domain name that today is probably worth an easy mil – www.ideepthroat.com; at least vanished in the sense that there have been no updates to her website since that time. But her site still lives on, and reportedly was still viewed over ten thousand times per month in 2010. Perhaps a new form of immortality??

Here’s a bit longer one of Heather with some bonus throatfucking, or reverse deepthroat as some call it, and titty fucking (6:31),

 

Next up, we’ll have a look at Camille Crimson, Jessica Smith, and finally that great Madonna teaser clip.

Camille Crimson, entertained us in this post about a MFF threesome blowjob – she has a much more polished website (winner of several “best”s) and web-savvy entrepreneurial bent,

camille crimson deep throating a cock and licking the balls

Today she shows us her technique of tonguing the balls while deepthroating the cock…she gives us this intro to the clip (3:45):

My boyfriend always wondered what was my “special trick” when I was licking his balls and deep throating him simultaneously while I was giving him a blow-job until he saw it on this film…

 

Check out her website for more, The Art of Blowjob

Next is a 14 minute clip of Deepthroat Queen contestant Jessica Smith, who competes for the title of Queen with no website, just clips scattered across the tube sites. Really a pretty remarkable focus on her part throughout, watch…but click on the tiny play icon on the lower left of the player – if you click on the big one in the middle, you get pushed directly to the tube site…

Here are a couple nice animated gifs of throatfucking,

animated gif of brunette being throatfucked or reverse deepthroat

man throatfucking a cute brunette with her head tilted back

Now: Madonna – but wait, you say, Madonna giving us hardcore?? Say ’tis so!!! Again sadly, this is an almost…

Here is Madonna, demonstrating, apparently at a little intimate dinner party, but now on YouTube no less, her deepthroat no gag technique, unfortunately only with a wine bottle, but still deliciously suggestive…that’s how you get invited back!

 

 

Which one is the real Queen?

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