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gag reflex

How to Become a Deepthroat Queen

Amaze your partner! Impress your friends! Be hotter than Madonna at a dinner party! (See related article at the bottom re the Madonna dinner party) Yes, fellow carnality lovers, it’s all waiting for you – almost on the tip of your tongue…

Because, what is the number one impediment to being a deepthroat queen?

It’s that dagnabbed infernal gag reflex that nature gave almost everyone except Linda Lovelace, Belladonna, Kayden Kross and a few hundred other porn stars. If it weren’t for that gagging, which is kinda a buzz kill for both parties except in certain extreme circles, you could be the life of the party!

Well, your intrepid reporter has discovered the answer…and from my dentist, no less. That’s one of those things I never thought about, but where – other than a porn casting call – are you going to have to deal with the gag reflex day in and day out? Yup – the guys and gals who chastise you every six months for flunking the flossing exam.

Dr. Dentist revealed that there is a trick universally known in the dental profession (do they have a class in dental Hogworts on this? I’d love to see a video of that class…) (and apparently secretly passed on to aspiring porn stars and Madonna) that reliably suppresses the gag reflex: you simple grip your left thumb in your left fist, like this,

image of how to grip thumb in left fist to suppress the gag reflex

And you’ll be able to do this,

Honest!

Now inquiring minds may want to know several things, so I asked on behalf of all of us, and these points were revealed to me in return for my promise that I would floss more:

  • – the left hand works better – no one (at least that the dentist knew) knows why
  • – its highly reliable, at least for dental purposes (I spared him the inquiry on my real interest as a carnal reporter but I think he knew – the sly grin was kind of a giveaway)
  • – its not clear whether it works because its a distraction or because there is a actually a neuro-muscular mechanism at play or because we believe that everything the dentist tells us must be true
  • – it works equally well without regard to gender, so both girls and boys can put things way down in there

Lest you think I jest….here is a Reddit thread among apparently real doctors, dentists, and scientists in the AskScience subreddit discussing Why does making a fist with your left hand and squeezing your left thumb disable your gag reflex? (apparently real because they actually barred discussion of the – er – sexual implications of the discussion, which is completely uncharacteristic of Reddit). Those serious professionals link to a 2008 study published in the Journal of the American Dental Association: Altering the Gag Reflex Via a Palm Pressure Point.

We’ll end with an inspirational and aspirational video clip from the amateur deepthroat queen, Heather Harmon, with the bonus of the Olympic difficulty level 10 technique of a cumshot in the throat, (3:21),

Now I don’t see her left hand during the video, so I think she must squeezing her thumb and trying to keep her secret from the camera.

Well – ok – one more: this is a cutie at a concert in the park demoing her skill with a banana (note that she appears to be skillfully gripping the banana skin in her left hand with the secret dentist thumb clasp!) and please do not do this in your real life with a peeled banana, for what should be obvious reasons….

 

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