About Ram

A lover, creator, and curator of carnality.
Website: http://ramthesunlover.com/
Ram has written 435 articles so far, you can find them below.

The Amateur Porn Video Viewed ̶5̶0̶ ̶5̶5̶ 76 Million Times

Ain’t the internet grand? Think about what’s behind that title – over fifty million (UPDATE – June 4, 2013: 51,852,166 53,000,043 54,553,065 55,575,821, 57,348,715, 64,145,492!)(UPDATE – April 13, 2014: 68,955,407 views!)(update August 27, 2015: 76,634,089 views) views of an amateur, homemade porn video clip – the number of viewers, the bandwidth, the populist popularity, the number of countries represented…

All of the free porn tube sites heavily rely on a constant stream of amateur uploads – all us citizens filming ourselves having sex and sharing with world – to keep their content fresh. The voracious appetite of the collective carnality lovers for viewing porn apparently can’t be met by commercial production. Still, that 70 million+ views floors me.

These are the 5 most viewed amateur porn clips from the YouPorn site, in reverse order, (all of the pics link out in a new window to YouPorn for viewing)(beware of autoplays with sound, and popunders/overs):

5.

19:51
88%
40,316,855 views
4.

02:57
90%
45,359,516 views
3.

fucking my wife
21:50
88% rating
39,817,624 views
2.

Paris Hilton - Movie
12:31
65%
58,516,399 views
1.

Great Body, Great Sex, Great Blowjob
09:21
92%
76,634,089 views

 

Whether Paris Hilton really qualifies as an “amateur” could be debated, but still…and the other interesting thing for carnalogists is looking at the “rating” vs total views. Apparently people go look at the Paris Hilton clip because of the name – but the sex just ain’t that great. 65% rated, versus 88% and up for the others in the top 5.

YouPorn, BTW, has been dethroned, after reigning supreme for several years, as the YouTube of porn, the #1 porn tube site. See the Related Article below: PornHub has taken over and is clocking more than 25 million unique visitors each month.

So, here are the top 6 most viewed of all time amateur clips from PornHub, in order, and you see the same thing with the celebrity/not-so-hot, but amateurs/hothothot: Kardashian gets the highest total views but the jury thinks the sex is only barely so-so, (all of pics link out in a new window to PornHub for viewing):

1.

Kim Kardashian Sex Tape with Ray J
68%
5:00;
134,558,613 views
2.

84%
7:46;
48,815,855 views
3.

86%
8:27;
37,756,237 views
4.

Mouth Cum Compilation – Part 388%

14:49; 45,263,674 views

 

 5.

89%

9:52; 35,926,923 views

6.

Kendra Wilkinson Exposed Sex Tape

70%

5:04; 28,637,334 views

 

However, even the most popular porn pales in comparison to the most popular clip on YouTube itself – the Biebster’s music video of “Baby”, ft. Ludacris, has clocked well over half a BILLION views (684,597,595), and it’s still going strong.

Best Erotic Music Videos of 2011

Following hot on the heels of the post: Best X-Rated Music Video of All Time, I present for you a different group – the best erotic music videos of 2011, an-end-of-the-year best thing, and limited to just 2011.

These have no explicit sex, so I characterize them as erotic or sensuous. My qualifiers were that the video/music had to first appear in 2011 and that the main performer in the video also had to be the main musical performer – so no erotic video clips set to an unrelated music track, or rappers or rockers singing with strippers around them etc etc. But we’ll do some of those another time.

First, and I think the easy choice for best of the year, some music to tie her up by, Claire Tchaikowski, “Those Thousand Seas”

Claire Tchaikowski’s debut album Those Thousand Seas is available on iTunes, Amazon and cdbaby.
Betony Vernon‘s book The Boudoir Bible – Sexual Common Sense and the Joy of Ceremony will be published soon.

 

Second, some French dance/pop with Charlie M, “Jeux Ma Muse”,

 

 

Third, pop come-back, “Criminal” by Britney Spears, and featuring her new fiance, Jason Trawick,  with some slithery hot action in the shower, and guns…

 

 

Fourth, “‘Til The End Of Time ft. V” by Timothy Bloom, which I featured in the post 5 Best Sensuous Couples Video Clips,

 

 

That featured image at the top of the post, by the way, is Christina Aguilera having a big ‘ol time in her music video for the track “Dirrty” released in 2002. The music video was directed by David LaChapelle. It depicts what was described as “a post-apocalyptic orgy”.The video opens with Aguilera gearing up and riding a motorcycle into a nightclub. Wearing a bikini and fuck-me chaps, she is lowered from a cage into a boxing ring and dances. If only the music video for “Moves Like Jagger” this year were half as hot, it’d be in this post too. HERE is a link to the “Dirrty” video if you would like to reminisce.

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Holiday Funnies

A little Christmas music to view by? The best Christmas song ever? “I’ll Be Stoned For Christmas”,

It is hard to pick a “best” from the many Bob Rivers twisted Christmas songs, but that one is right up there.

Here’s another one, “Aquaclaus” – done by Rivers in the style of Jethro Tull performing “Aqualung”,

Next, an important tip for holiday parties,

cartoon of good and bad placement of mistletoe

This is “A Dubstep Christmas” by Skrillex,

 

Hanging decorations,

man hanging from roof gutter while trying to string christmas lights

…honey?….honey?….a little help?…

Here are two pretty unlikely looking fellows playing the four-armed, one guitar cover of Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance”, not particularly a holiday item but….. eh, so what,

 

angel christmas decorations having oral sex

angels need blowjobs too…maybe ESPECIALLY angels…

Here is Tchaikovsky’s “Sugar Plum Fairy” played on a glass harp,

 

And last for this time, Mrs. Claus showing us why the reindeer fly for Santa….

digital art image of reindeer resting from pulling sleigh and mounting a woman in red lingerie

reindeer recreation – is that Blitzen or Donner?

 

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The Cock Whisperer – irresistible oral sex

A Cock Whisperer can soothe an unruly cock and make it behave.

You’ve heard, no doubt, of horse whisperers and even dog whisperers. There’s even a chicken whisperer fer gawd’s sake. They are all supposed to have a special talent for communicating with the denizens of the animal, and fowl, world. But being a cock whisperer isn’t quite so arcane and mysterious.

This cock lover in the video clip below has a special talent for edging and ineluctably inducing the orgasm with some whispering, licking and sucking, 10:45,

 

Here is a gif of the same Whisperer at play,

gif of Klixen licking a spurting ejaculating cock

what is she whispering?

That is an Austrian amateur who goes by the screen/porn name of Klixen – she sells video clips HERE, if you want more (no affiliate relationship, just FYI).

austrian amateur web porn star Klixen stroking and licking a cock with lace gloves on

Here’s another gif of her and her friend Cindy Hope doing some threesome cock whispering,

gif of Klixen and Cindy Hope in threesome licking a spurting cumshot cock

Update – here are several new ones just located of Klixen, and Klixen plus Cindy Hope, performing yet more slow edging torture,

Klixen licking and edging a drooling cum cock

gif of Klixen and Cindy Hope licking a cock for an edging orgasm

gif of Klixen sucking the cock head and Cindy Hope licking and flciking the shaft with her tongue

gif of Klixen and Cindy Hope sucking cock with cum dripping out of Klixens mouth

Here’s one of her graduate students, teasing and denying,

gif of female licking and rubbing her lips on the tip of a cock

Here’s another one her students in the art, cooing a sweet nothing to the Impatient Johnson,

girl with beautiful eyes looking at camera putting cock tip to her lips for cocksucking

Now to give credit where credit is due, Wifey, of Wifeysworld fame, was the first on the web that I can see to claim to be “The Cock Whisperer.”

Wifey and her hubby run an amateur website and make their living shooting pics and videos of Wifey, who has a huge beautiful rack, natural 34F, and who loves to suck hubby’s cock, get facials, swallow, and other delightful oral related activities, to say nothing of regular ol’ fucking and doing herself with a dildo after blowing hubby.
Here’s her bit on the Cock Whisperer:

This week I got to play my most natural profession- a Cock Whisperer! I’ve always had a knack for taking even the most stubborn penises and making them mind me. Since I was a teen I’ve been able to communicate with a cock almost like we shared the same mind. I’ve loved the look, taste and feel of cocks since I was young so what better job to go into? This week I helped a poor guy who’s penis wouldn’t cooperate for him. It would get hard and leak without any reason at all. I came to the rescue though, massaging it and deep throating it and fucking it until it finally succumbed by blasting my face, hair and tits with its thick sperm! I think it’s gonna mind its owner now, don’t you?

 

Wifey of wifeysworld taking a big facial cumshot

credit: wifeysworld.com

 

gif of Wifey giving a hand job with cumshot

 

gif of Wifey taking a cumshot facial on face, mouth and hair from husband jerking off standing over her

 

Here is a Wifey video clip, 5: 14, giving a birthday blowjob,

 

And here’s one of Wifey playacting to be the neighbor MILF coming over to blow Wifey’s husband, 5:09,

Best X-rated Music Video of All Time

After extensive investigation, I present several candidates for the best X-rated music video, XXX-rated music video, adult music video, explicit music video….whatever your phrase may be, of all time.

To qualify, a music video had to be more than just NSFW with bare boobs, or even full frontal nudity – as delightful as those may be – and actually be a release by a music artist or band, not just a mashup of hardcore video with an added music track.

And what does the featured image above (from a performance of the opera Salome) have to do with all this? See the footnote* at the end of the post.

Here are the candidates in no particular order, and representing several different music genres:

#1 – Industro-rock, Rammstein: Pussy

 

#2 – British rap, Skepta: All Over The House

#3 – Alt rock, Placebo, Protège-Moi

 

#4 – acid-rave sci-fi punk-funk, Klaxons, Twin Flames

(is that one weird enough for ya?)

 

#5 – hip-hop/rock/metal, Hollywood Undead, Undead (rare completely uncensored version)

 

#6 – alt rock, 30 Seconds to Mars (feat. the now very famous Jared Leto), Hurricane

 

If you know a good one I missed, comment away.

*Now about that pic at the top and Salome – the image is of soprano Francesca Patanè, daughter of famous Italian conductor Giuseppe Patanè performing the lead role of Salome in a production that opened the 2007 season of Teatro dell’Opera di Roma. I nominate a hardcore version of Salome – sex, violence, eroticism, drama, singing, and music…what’s not to love? – for the ultimate best X-rated music video: so who’s up for creating that one?

Here’s another couple of  images of Patanè from that production,

soprano Francesca Patanè nude with pasties being draped in a robe in salome

credit: Riccardo Musacchio in Corriere della Sera

salome carried on bearers' shoulders

credit: Riccardo Musacchio in Corriere della Sera

In reviewing her later performance as Puccini’s Turandot, The Observer wrote:

Francesca Patanè’s Turandot was spectacular.  There is a purity in her voice which is spine-tingling and this is accompanied by the ability to produce enormous power.

Let’s get that in an explicit music video – someone start a petition!