A reblog of the Father’s Day / DILF Day post by the psychic Fiona Wilde:
Ladies, Is Father’s Day Sexy?
by FIONA WILDE on June 14, 2013
Fiona Wilde is a staff writer and commentator for sssh.com and a published author of erotic novels for Blushing Books. Fiona comes from a background as a journalist for a large daily newspaper, but moved into erotica after mainstream media could not pay enough to keep her an honest woman. Her columns can be found on sssh.com and her novels are widely available on Amazon.com.
Father’s Day is Sunday, and as usual it has taken me by surprise. Father’s Day takes a lot of people by surprise, because it’s an afterthought kind of holiday. It’s not like Mother’s Day, where the penalty for forgetfulness is a giant bucket of guilt.
Forget Mother’s Day and a woman will think you don’t appreciate that she totally ruined her flat stomach and perky boobs by popping out a kid or three to carry on the family name. It’s a celebration of love and sacrifice, and as a woman I can tell you some of us love that shit.
Queen for a Day? Fuck yeah. Now get in there and make me some pancakes.
But forget Father’s Day and a guy won’t get all that upset. Because unlike the warmth and love women feel on Mother’s Day, for a man Father’s Day is nothing but a sad reminder of why he’s driving a minivan with bubblegum stuck to the seats instead of a convertible, and why the only woman staring at him now is that glaring gymnastics coach who’s pissed because he brought his little girl in late for class. Again.
It seems to me that men would be more into Father’s Day if society made it sexier.
Rather than reminding a man that he’s a dad, remind him that he became one because he’s the stone-cold stud who knocked you up.
That’s right, ladies. This Sunday, when you see your sullen teenagers sitting across from you at the breakfast table, point to your husband and say, “You kids think you know something about sex? Bullshit. This man right here is the fucking King of Sex.
I wouldn’t have given it up for anyone else, and believe me there was a line around the block. If weren’t for his mad skills in the sack you wouldn’t even be here. And there’s two of you, which means that the sex was so good that I came back begging for more.”
After your speech, insist that they say, “Hail to the King.” If they refuse, remind them who pays their cell phone bill.
Then give that man some pancakes, because you know he deserves them.
Later, after the kids have given him that World’s Best Dad t-shirt and grill utensils, announce that you’ve got something for him as well. Imagine how happy he’ll be when he opens your present to find a riding crop or the kind of hardcore porno you haven’t watched since you became parents. Then send the kids outside to wash the car while you give him a blow job.
You like that, don’t you Daddy?
By now the kids would have finished washing the car, which is the perfect time to show them how to work the propane grill. Oh please, like they can’t cook a couple of steaks while you’re upstairs playing cheerleader and football captain. An hour of ball-handling later and dinner should be ready. If they kids ask why Mom’s hair is messed up and Dad looks so happy, just wink and say “Hail to the King.” That should shut them up.
Happy Father’s Day.
Fiona Wilde is a Sssh.com columnist check us out:
Ok – Ram back again. Soapbox interlude.
Men, I’m gonna give it to you straight. If you want more than a mercy fuck or an Amex fuck as you move along into your 40s and 50s and beyond, you gotta look so’s they WANT to do you. That means some sacrifice.
So to break it down to the bone: doughnuts or sex? Ain’t gonna be both. You have to quit forever anything and everything that looks like bread or chips. You will then be 1/2 way home because your fat belly will begin to melt away. No babe – be she 20 or 50 – wants to fuck a fat belly man.
Then you gotta do strength training. Lose the fat, build the muscle, and get the V shape back.
That is the recipe. Your cock will thank you forever. And that’s worth more than all the doughnuts in the galaxy.