Sunday Funnies – Memorial Day Edition

Another edition of Sunday morning funnies, a day late for the Memorial Day weekend.

You thought you knew all the characters in The Avengers?

But no,


parody of Scarlett Johansson as a huge breasted super heroine in The Avengers

Here is an exclusive look at Scarlett Johansson in the deleted scene and character from the blockbuster movie “The Avengers”. Scarlett was originally slated to play the role of the “Black Widow”, but producers soon realized that the Black Widow character was “stupid”. So Scarlett Johansson was then to play a newly imagined superheroine called “Chesty McTits”. As you can see Chesty possess the superpower of distraction, and her righteous tits of justice are a force to be reckoned with. The rest of “The Avengers” are no longer needed, as evil has met its match in Scarlett Johansson as Chesty McTits. They outvoted her, so now she’s out of the movie, roaming the universe, stopping intergalacatic spacecraft in their tracks. Then they put the Black Widow back in. So now you know the real story.



two hunters gloating over a dead black bear while a live one approaches from the rear

Don’ t look over your shoulder, bro – payback is padding softly toward you…



european road sign of man behind sheep

…at least not in the middle of the road, mein herr…


baby in a tee shirt that says all daddy wanted was a blowjob

A Father’s Day preview…


Now be safe out there,

backyard grill exploding and burning

No one saved the buns, the scaredy-cats

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I’m Drivin’ In My Car – FFF

woman laying on front seat of a car with her naked ass up and resting her head on the door sill looking at the camera

“Hillary” by Bradley Thurber


(103 words)

Full credit to the Boss, of course, for the song and the original lyrics, and here is a live performance of it – some say the sexiest thing Bruce has ever done,


Goddess Wife and I’ll both fuck him after that…

The Flash Fiction Friday challenge for this Friday, 5-25-12, was to use the picture above to write a flash fiction piece of 100-135 words and to use this phrase in the submission:
“…the scent of [noun]…”

All the other erotic writers playing the FFF this week can be found HERE – go check ’em out and enjoy vehicular carnality.



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DJs of Porn – JRoux

This is the second installment in the DJs of Porn series. The first post was about the work of Garm/Ugarm of Garm’s Kiss, with a movie clip and number of his heavily edited and modified images of interracial sex. Today’s installment showcases the work of “JRoux”.

His work seems to be only in the production of edited sex video clips, which he calls “xXx music videos.” They are all skillfully edited, at least for an amateur porn aficionado, and all have a music track combined with the edited video, so that there is no dialog and no fake moaning – a small oasis of relief in the desert of porn soundtracks.

Here is a clip he entitled Epoca, with a Rio tango vibe (6:02),


I am guessing he hails from South America or Spain as the video clips he uses suggest that.

Here is another clip, with a Rhianna music track and a psychedelic vibe, this one entitled The White Studio (3:43),


I previously included a couple of his clips, Silhouette and Melencolia, with dubstep tracks in the post on Dubstep Porn.

Last, for this time, his latest work – a clip entitled Closer (6:04),

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How to Become a Deepthroat Queen

Amaze your partner! Impress your friends! Be hotter than Madonna at a dinner party! (See related article at the bottom re the Madonna dinner party) Yes, fellow carnality lovers, it’s all waiting for you – almost on the tip of your tongue…

Because, what is the number one impediment to being a deepthroat queen?

It’s that dagnabbed infernal gag reflex that nature gave almost everyone except Linda Lovelace, Belladonna, Kayden Kross and a few hundred other porn stars. If it weren’t for that gagging, which is kinda a buzz kill for both parties except in certain extreme circles, you could be the life of the party!

Well, your intrepid reporter has discovered the answer…and from my dentist, no less. That’s one of those things I never thought about, but where – other than a porn casting call – are you going to have to deal with the gag reflex day in and day out? Yup – the guys and gals who chastise you every six months for flunking the flossing exam.

Dr. Dentist revealed that there is a trick universally known in the dental profession (do they have a class in dental Hogworts on this? I’d love to see a video of that class…) (and apparently secretly passed on to aspiring porn stars and Madonna) that reliably suppresses the gag reflex: you simple grip your left thumb in your left fist, like this,

image of how to grip thumb in left fist to suppress the gag reflex

And you’ll be able to do this,


Now inquiring minds may want to know several things, so I asked on behalf of all of us, and these points were revealed to me in return for my promise that I would floss more:

  • – the left hand works better – no one (at least that the dentist knew) knows why
  • – its highly reliable, at least for dental purposes (I spared him the inquiry on my real interest as a carnal reporter but I think he knew – the sly grin was kind of a giveaway)
  • – its not clear whether it works because its a distraction or because there is a actually a neuro-muscular mechanism at play or because we believe that everything the dentist tells us must be true
  • – it works equally well without regard to gender, so both girls and boys can put things way down in there

Lest you think I jest….here is a Reddit thread among apparently real doctors, dentists, and scientists in the AskScience subreddit discussing Why does making a fist with your left hand and squeezing your left thumb disable your gag reflex? (apparently real because they actually barred discussion of the – er – sexual implications of the discussion, which is completely uncharacteristic of Reddit). Those serious professionals link to a 2008 study published in the Journal of the American Dental Association: Altering the Gag Reflex Via a Palm Pressure Point.

We’ll end with an inspirational and aspirational video clip from the amateur deepthroat queen, Heather Harmon, with the bonus of the Olympic difficulty level 10 technique of a cumshot in the throat, (3:21),

Now I don’t see her left hand during the video, so I think she must squeezing her thumb and trying to keep her secret from the camera.

Well – ok – one more: this is a cutie at a concert in the park demoing her skill with a banana (note that she appears to be skillfully gripping the banana skin in her left hand with the secret dentist thumb clasp!) and please do not do this in your real life with a peeled banana, for what should be obvious reasons….


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Melon Season is Here – Sophia Santi Selebrates

This is a 7:58 clip of Sophia Santi enjoying her melons and grapes, so we can enjoy her enjoying.  Its tres juicy indeed. Ty Vasquez of CafeGlow kindly provided me the movie in return for my clever naming of his creative work: Pulp Friction.

Ty creates beautiful sensual carnality – stop by his website and check it out (no affiliate relationship).

CafeGlow was founded and designed by Ty Vasquez and he calls his concept Fashion Erotica. Ty is a director whose skills include photography, design and film making. With a fashion background Ty sets out to capture that naturally sexy streak in women that they usually won’t let you see. Ty has cast, wardrobe styled, shot, edited and scored the first 40 films on CafeGlow.

Here are a few more images of Sophia from the video shoot:

sophia santi topless dribbling crushed fruit juice on her lips, face and boobs


sophia santi holding a honeydew melon piece by her trimmed pussy and digging out the pulp


Sophia Santi eats fruit while writhing naked